The Chimes of Beer


Two men stood on the edge greatness
Ready to do battle with god
Two men stood with extreme sexiness
Ready to bum the fat sod

But low did they hear the chimes of beer
Ringing through the streets of London
The pull of booze rang through each ear
They longed for a spirit filled dungeon

Dropping their swords they ran to the pub
Forgetting Jesus and Mary
They sang and danced in a fearsome hub
Calling everyone they saw a turd fairy

They dribbled their way from pub to bar
Whilst achieving total inebriation
They travelled near and at some points far
Causing their inhibitions to go into hibernation

Preempting the suns rise from the hills
The two men looked up from their vomit
After 40 beers and a fuck load of pills
They cried at the view of a comet

“Oh the beauty of life! I reproach thee!
We sit here covered in chudder
Our pants filled to bursting with pee”
At that thought they both had a shudder

Wiping the tears they rose standing strong
The night’s debauchery reached its peak
Now both sporting a pink leather thong
“What do you say? Same time next week?”

Photo courtesy of Rupert Brun on Flickr

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About Matt

I love poems, I love stupid pointless not sure if the person really knows what they're writing about poems, that way who knows what might happen!
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21 Responses to The Chimes of Beer

  1. That’s classic. Cheers, man.

  2. Wing's Intent says:

    cool stuff, I like! 🙂

  3. 1stjoeyanna says:

    This was great and funny!

    • Matt says:

      Well thank you for gracing your presence on these most humble of pages. May your words continue to flutter with greatness on your blog. Good day madam.

  4. O.J.Proctor says:

    Made me chuckle! *click*

  5. chelsialtman says:

    Awesome! =)

  6. Arjan Tupan says:

    Oh, to folly of men. And the fun. Great poem. Loved it.

  7. Kira says:

    ‘Tis Sad and Deplorable, Such should not be allowed within these Vaulted Halls…. and yet, I detect the sound of laughter coming from yonder door….

  8. Leprechauns…definitely leprechauns. 🙂

  9. fiztrainer says:

    Perfect St. Patty’s Day poem. 😀

  10. I am going to go out and re-create this poem right now.

  11. ayasonice says:

    Thanks for the laugh 😀

  12. cloudfactor5 says:

    Very funny! I hear “The Chimes Of Beer” calling for me this very moment!

  13. I have written that ‘every author leaves a little blood on the page’…..It would appear that you are in your element.

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