Thief and a Liar

My Keys! Inside!

I’m truly fucked

Entrance denied

Idiotic conduct


“Lost ya keys have ya matey?

Problems getting increasingly weighty?”


“As a matter of fact

I’m perfectly fine”

My impeccable tact

Refusing to whine


“I knows of a fella, whos good at this

breaking of locks is his life’s bliss”


“Good day to you sir

My situation is minor”

Would that it were

No cash for a diner!


“Suit ya self, cus it’ll rain later

Unless you’re friends with our blessed creator”


Right on cue

I was blasted with splatter

“That’s it I’m through!

Enough with this chatter!”


“So you’ll be wantin, the use of these?

Never have I seen such lovely clean keys”


“You thief you liar!

What trickery is this!

How did you acquire

With no sight of amiss?”


“They calls me Jeff, but I prefers Barry

But for some reason my mum calls me Larry”


“Well Jeff if you please

Those keys are mine

Very soon I will freeze”

You despicable swine!


“I thinks you’re a git and a terrible gent

Not a word you have said you’ve actually meant”


It is a mans right

To hold back his intentions

What a horrible sight

A world without its pretensions


“I can read the thoughts on your very face

If ya want ya keys back, be prepared for a chase”


As he quickly disappeared

The keys fell to the floor

Why had he interfered

They did not fit the door


Photo courtesy of Peter Alexanderson at Flickr


About Matt

I love poems, I love stupid pointless not sure if the person really knows what they're writing about poems, that way who knows what might happen!
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5 Responses to Thief and a Liar

  1. Pete Armetta says:

    This made me cackle here this morning, sitting alone in the dark with my coffee and computer. Thanks for the laugh bud, this is so relatable and fun!

  2. shugamama says:

    wondering why i didnt find your blog sooner…its awesome and hilarious, seriously.!!

  3. shugamama says:

    Reblogged this on Shugamama's Blog.

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